In Sickness and In Health

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It’s been one of those weeks to say the least.  I’m feeling OK.  Weird symptoms have come back since I have gone off two of my antibiotics and although I feel that it is Lyme creeping its way back into my wonderful life, my husband is convinced it is not Lyme so that created an explosion of words between the two of us and we have been on shaky ground ever since.  I am in no way looking for sympathy or trying to put my husband down.  I’m letting you all know that when someone is ill, we ALL struggle and although it might seem like things have been smooth sailing for my husband and I through all of this…it has not.  It’s been hard for both of us.  We have both tried to be as supportive as possible to each other since I got sick but my illness has been very good at making a big, fat mess of things.  It has messed up plans for us to have a big family…a life long dream of my husband.  It has taken away the fun late – nights we enjoyed together before I got sick.  It has slowly chipped away at my confidence to be the best wife to my husband and we have been forced to create a new life…a life we never wanted or expected even though we said the words on our wedding day, July 26, 2008.  ”I take you, to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…from this day forward until death do us part.”  I think I just assumed that we would have many more years together before these few words, “in sickness and in health” would come knocking at our door, testing our commitment to each other.  We were just getting adjusted to our life as parents when Lyme came barreling through our home and it did not come with instructions.  My husband tried to be there for me by telling me to fight harder and think positively and I just wanted him to hug me and let me know that things were going to be OK.  I tried being there for my husband by keeping things from him so that he would see just how good I was at handling this illness and that just resulted in an explosion of tears and a surprised husband when I couldn’t keep it in any longer.  In the end I realized just how important it is to be completely honest with each other while also showing compassion.  It’s important for me to know exactly how Chris is feeling, even if it upsets me.  It’s also important that I am able to share my fears and my feelings about being sick even if I think it’s going to upset him.  We need to be there for each other and understand that we are both experiencing this “thing” together, but in different ways.  Lyme has affected both of our lives.  And what is even more important to remember is that two years later, we are still here…still together.  We may not fully understand what the other is going through, but we have managed to make it this far…through several tests, doctors, ER visits and treatment protocols, and one amazing therapist.  We are still here, showing our commitment and love for each other.
I really appreciate you letting me share something so personal.  I just wanted to let you all know that no one has had it easy these past few years.  It takes an incredible amount of patience from both partners to go through something like this…and you’ll lose it…ALOT…along the way.  In the end of all of this, I still love my husband, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health…until death do us part.  We’ll get through this…together.